Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
