i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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