Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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