i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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