Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
