U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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