Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
