Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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