Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
