i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
