it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
