they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
