i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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