That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
