can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
