I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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