my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
