You work out of a Hotel?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
