I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
