Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just high enough for therapy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
