giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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