i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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