I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
