did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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