im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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