fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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