I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
