you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
