i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
