a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
