just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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