and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
