i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
