Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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