you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
