I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
