there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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