and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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