I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
