he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
