are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
