i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
