we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I can't turn off my feet"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
