Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
