I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
