No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
