I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
