oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
