I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
