Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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