I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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