If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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