Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
