he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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